Fearlessly Pursuing Life

My sister and I have real conversations. Deep, sometimes dark, real conversations. One of the biggest topics we discuss is whether to procreate. I've always wanted kids. Two or three. Always. Growing up I babysat and thought I'd be a teacher. I love kids. My sister has never been interested in having kids of her own (although I have no doubt she'd spoil mine to no end). She doesn't dislike kids, I think she just doesn't want to have such an obligation. I understand it and appreciate it. The older I get, the more I appreciate it. Although I still want kids of my own, I wonder, would I be doing them a disservice by bringing them into this world? Or would I be doing the world a disservice by not bringing my kids into it? This year has been a tough one. Part of it is the hopelessness that we feel about our national government. With the increase in high-profile suicides this year (Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain) and the seemingly uncontrollable and exponential opioi...

Today I am full on thinking about energy. What you put out there, why you put it out there, what you get back, when you "pivot." Most of life's strongest lessons (for me, at least) come from me not being proud of something I did. Saturday night I had one of these lessons. To get to the point, I was out with my boyfriend and another couple. The other couple had some friends elsewhere in the area so we joined up with them. A couple of the people bought us a round and left. Shortly after we decided to leave. When the bill came, it was outrageous. Between my boyfriend and I, we had 5 beers, and we'd been at the place for about an hour and a half. There were four of us still at the table when the tab came. The guys had headed outside for some air and the four of us were here to split it. One person said it should be $300 with tip, let's split it 6 ways, $50 a person. Fine. I get the slip to sign and it's $155. Everyone has split now and I'm left with $155...

This post is challenging to say the least. But this blog is dedicated to Real Feelings, Real Adventure, and Real Life. I can't think of anything more "real" at the moment. Direct from my mom the day she found out: "Ok. Here's what we know. Radiation starting in two weeks. 4 total sessions within two weeks. Chemotherapy starts in about 4-6 weeks. 1 treatment every 3 weeks for 18 weeks (6 treatments)." "I need some awesome headscarves!!!!!" The overwhelming feeling of zero control was debilitating. Some moments are not really memorable, others are cemented in your memory for eternity. It's now been over three weeks since that message. It has been life altering, but also has brought on a deeper appreciation of the my mom's strength and the bond my family shares. My mom is now halfway through her radiation. By this time next week her radiation will be complete. As she puts it, two nuclear physicists are working on her "woohoo". ...